Friday, March 30, 2012

Story #2

The story follows a single character as he travels from northern New York state, through Vermont to Boston. He's in his late 30's, about six foot tall, solid build. He wears a nice suit with the collar unbuttoned and a tie hanging loosely from it.He is on a business trip, but the work is left vague. Its revealed that he has a drug problem, as he repeatedly sniffs a small glass vial, but he thinks about quitting and goes long periods of time without using. He is driving late in the day, so he decides to spend the night at a motel.
He carries a small suitcase into the motel room, and leaves his larger leather suitcase in the backseat. He drinks from a bottle of vodka that was in the suitcase and watches TV from his bed, trying hard to resist the temptation of the drug. Once he's drunk, he forgets about the vial and decides to take a shower before going to bed. After stepping out of the shower, he notices a news flash on the TV. A man was kidnapped in the town he had just visited, in upstate New York. The man is shaken by this. Even though he didn't know the person, he becomes increasingly paranoid. The crave returns and he goes out to the car to retrieve the vial. When he does this, he notices the leather bag, and moves it to the trunk where he figures it will be safe. The man brings the vial back with him to the room where he locks the doors and checks the windows, but doesn't use the drug until the next morning, when he leaves the motel.
The drive through Vermont is long, and a close call with a police cruiser reveals that the man works for a criminal organization and is just as paranoid about the police as some other force that seems to be tracking him. For the rest of the drive the character panics silently, but resists using the drug, which is constantly in the back of his head.
He reaches Boston and pulls into a small parking garage just outside the North End. He exits the car with his suitcase in hand, and opens the trunk to remove the leather suitcase. A car screeches behind him, catching his attention as he removes the suitcase. The car pulls up beside him and a large bearded man steps out. The man jerks the bag out of the trunk and it thumps on the ground. The bearded man comes over to the bag, opens the top part-way, releasing a foul stench. He looks at the man, nods, zips the bag closed, and hoists it into the backseat of his car. The two exchange money and a few words, then the bearded man leaves. The man walks away with his suitcase in hand and opens the top of the vial. Its empty, so he tosses it down an aisle of the parking garage and exits down an emergency staircase.

2 comments:

  1. Lots of details and well planned out. It sounds pretty good. Put it into action for further evaluation, I guess.

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  2. I think there is something within this plan, but now it's a bit plot heavy and I urge you to make this a story about people. What is this guy after, emotionally? What's wrong with his life? Why did he turn away from it? What led him to this point. Steer away from the crime saga and be sure to study this character. I'm most interested in the scene where he is in the hotel. I think a lot could happen there. What if the maid walked in? What would the talk about? What could happen? Try to steer clear of the the genre stuff, i.e., action/thriller. It can have those elements but it needs to be about this man more.

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