The Accident
It
was a utopia.
Crisp winds rippled across vast prairies
of emerald green grass, a deer barely escaping a dangerous pack of determined wolves.
Herds of giant bison roamed the plains freely, migrating from one area to the
next. An antelope bent over for a drink by the river, until the mighty jaws of
a crocodile closed with a crunch around the prey’s exposed neck. A small family
of cheetahs relaxed in a fig tree, avoiding the brutal sun above. Dolphins,
whales, and seals coasted through waters as blue as sapphires, as waves crashed
into the towering walls of grey stone. Lobsters, crabs, and crustaceans of all
kinds scampered away and buried themselves in the sand while the great white
shark stalked along the warm, murky ocean floor. In the deepest trenches, a
particular immortal jellyfish reached a mature age, and then reverted back to
its polyp form, thus restarting its lifecycle.
Above sea level, snowcapped mountains
rose above the world, dwarfing everything in sight. From miles above, a falcon
scanned the ground, and effortlessly curled into a spiraling descent, darting
in and out of the clouds, with black eyes locked on an innocent baby rabbit in
the fields below. Monstrous aspen, oak, and elm trees reached across the skies,
their branches home to birds and critters from all walks of life. Massive
grizzly bears marched from river to river, as salmon unknowingly fought their
way up waterfalls, simply to be caught and eaten as they emerged from the
stream. Scorpions and iguanas darted from each spot of shade as they made their
way through the barren wasteland of brown dunes and orange canyons. Snakes the
size of cars and spiders the size of birds crept through the dense rainforests,
ignoring the cacophony of the overly horny family of baboons swinging through
the vines and branches above. Polar bears and penguins slid down crystal
glaciers into the frigid arctic waters and clambered onto drifting blocks of
ice. The world was in pure harmony. The circle of life was hard at work to
maintain this beautiful, living, breathing planet. No discord. No disruptions,
disturbances, or disasters. No disease, no death, no depression, or despicably
downward spiraling economy. Every living creature, whether it was predator or
prey was living together, in unison.
A booming sound thundered across
every sea, mountain, field, and desert. It burrowed its ways to the depths of
the ocean and the floor of the jungle. Into the deepest caves and across the
most expansive forests. Along rivers, over hills, under trees, everywhere. This
sound, for an instant, made the hearts of every living soul stop.
“SHIT!” god bellowed, his robed arm
stretching out from the clouds.
A shiny glass jar whooshed past a bald
eagle – the ONLY bald eagle. The
elegant raptor tucked into a nose dive, plummeting after the jar, but as soon
as he began to catch up, the jar would speed up and fall further out of reach. Every
animal, the bears, birds, fishes, cows, horses, moose, deer, monkeys, lions,
and kangaroos stopped and watched as the only bald eagle in existence
desperately chased this jar. Hawks, falcons, owls, crows, hummingbirds, and
pigeons all raced after the eagle, trying to catch this fragile object. Even
the mosquitoes, gnats, and flies were chasing after it, but the bats just couldn’t
pass up the opportunity for an early dinner. So the insects didn’t last very
long.
As the ground grew closer and
closer, rivers began to flood, forests started burning, glaciers melted, and
avalanches devoured mountainsides. The sky darkened, the ground split open beneath
them as entire families of animals were separated. In a final instant, the
eagle caught up to the jar, and wrapped its wings around its shiny, black
exterior as they both crunched into the ground. The last eagle in existence –
majestic and magnificent – lay there, with shattered bones and crippled limbs. Before
it died, its eye gazed upon the shattered jar.
The label read “HUMANS,” and as the last
living eagle took its final breath, the utopia was undone.
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